spookss | Entries tagged with work

I dunno what is up with me but i cannot stop being ill. i was sick last weekend and im starting to get pretty sick again now. not really sure what im sick with exactly, but im coughing up a storm and my legs ache like hell. also im always either too hot or too cold, so maybe its the flu. being sick is pretty lame, but whats even more lame is WORK. ive been complaining about my work a lot to friends and my dad, and i dont like complaining too much cause it just brings more hate into the world and makes me feel sad, so this is the last time im gonna talk about this situation for awhile.

on sundays im the only 'decorator' there from 7am until either 10 or 12 (i work at a grocery store bakery). its been that was since i started, which is incredibly stupid by the way cause i havent TOUCHED cakes at all and only do backups- so i cant write on cakes for customers SO I SHOULDNT BE ALONE? i called off last sunday because of sickness, so its up to my managers to take care of stocking the decorator portion of the store (which takes like, an hour max, so not a big deal). I have beef with one of my managers, we'll just call her v, and i know shes the one who ends up having to take care of the work that i usually do. i feel maybe a bit evil, but the thought of her having to cover for me brings me joy.

to be blunt i really dislike v. she is lazy, selfish, and probably really insecure. most days its 'our' job to stock the main floor and when i say our i mean mostly mine because i do almost everything. she will make a list of things we need for the floor and give me like 75-80% of it, and then take way longer than i do to actually finish stocking. she comes in late EVERY DAY without fail, gives me half of her work (and then complains about having to stall until she gets off), and is honestly nice to everyone except for me? ill be talking to her and its like im not even an actual person to her, she talks about what she want to talk about and thats it, if i try to change topics it goes right back to what she was saying. and it sucks cause everyone else there likes her because shes worked at this store for a long time, and she has respect for everyone but me. she very clearly doesnt respect me at all. i dont expect everyone to care about me, but she could at least have the decency to treat me like a real person.

ANYWAYS this is relevant because i had to call off again today because im sick again. i called and told her i was sick and that i thought it was the flu or something. but then she told me i needed to bring in a doctors note? girl.... what?? if it was a company thing i would understand but im 90% sure its not because ive never needed a doctors note when calling off other then when i was gone for a month because of my appendix. i didnt confront her about it and just asked where i was even supposed to get a doctors note and she told me to go to ER. GIRL IM NOT DOIN ALLAT. that would be such a waste of time when i feel like ITS NOT NEEDED. esp if this isint a company thing and is just her speculating that im not sick (which wouldnt surprise me).. but like.... i came in yesterday and was coughing all day and obviously sounding like shit? i dont know man, ive called in sick multiple times before when i worked at the front of the store and i never had to get a doctors note.

this long ass rant doesnt even cover half of my problems with my job, every day i go in i get more fed up with the place. BUT it will be okay because i wont have to work there for much longer, so im trying to care less about it cause its not gonna matter to me in like a few months so whats even the point. other then work and sick stuff i havent had too too much going on. ive been playing project zomboid with my pookie which has been really fun, we heart coming up with lore for our characters :) im also really behind in school but its ok cause i have plenty of time to catch up and plan on working on it today and tommorrow. oh and i also got some fabric to make one of those tie blankets that dont require any sewing, so that'll be fun when i get to it. for now its time to lock the fawk in and get some school done T_T

Current Mood: sick
Current Music: Super Bon Bon - Soul Coughing

the come back is happening, very slowly, but its still happening. im doing okay with thinking and just- doing stuff. im still not as far as id like to be, and i hardly have any energy, but its a start and that good enough for now. im still really stuggling with just being bored, when im with friends im completely fine, but when im alone nothing seems to keep me entertained... again i need to get into my real hobbies again, no games are calling to me because i play them all by myself, and doom scrolling isint a hobby lol.

i played mario party with a few friends ago yesterday, i DEMOLISHED them of course. you have to travel around a map (like a board game, think sorry) and collect coins and stars, the person with the most stars wins. i ended the game with SIX stars and everyone else had 2 or 3. im always super fucking goated when it comes to mario party and i honestly have no clue why. im decent at the minigames, but that barely even matters as most of your stuff is luck related with moving around the board. i guess i just have hella good luck when it comes to star placement and movement rolls but DAMN. after that we got food and also some snacks, i had a lot of fun and i cant wait til we all hang out again :).

tomorrow is the start of my next working period, so i work saturday-tuesday, and im not looking foward to it of course. im honestly just tired of my job, i only really reallly like being around 2 of the 7 people who work there and they underpay the shit out of me for what i do. im doing like 3 different jobs and i absolutely do not get paid for that. also just.. the way they run things is so awful for the workers and the company ITSELF is awful. most days arent horrible perse, but its rare that i feel like i actually have a good day let alone a great one. theres also the fear that ill see him there, im still so super anxious about that. logically i know i prolly wont ever see him there, even if he lives right by the store he either A. wouldnt be coming in on the hours i work on the weekends, cause usually he sleeps in (and rarely leaves the house period) or B. would be at work on the weekdays so theres literally no way he would be there. and i would think he would avoid me, but despite all that i still get super anxious about it sometimes. even though i want to see him and talk to him, having that happen unexpectedly and at work would be awful haha.

Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Warmth - C418

I feel like the days have just been speeding by. Im not sure if its because im having fun, so time feels faster, or because every day feels the same. Ive been doing pretty well i think., i dont feel like complete shit so thats good. a few days ago we had this kitten over at my house to give to my grandpa. charlie was his name and he was the sweetest cat i ever met, he absolutely adored me and i need to go visit him soon. when i took him to my grandpas house he was completely against the idea, but after spending an hour or so with him he changed his mind lol. i knew he would fall in love with charlie the moment he actually interacted with him, how could you not be charmed by such a sweet little guy.

ive had plans for most of this week, i had something on monday that i cant quite remember now. but yesterday my tennis friends came over and we all contributed to making a full course meal (i made dessert), then we watched horror movies and played games. it was super fun and really homey, just a really nice day. tomorrow im going to go hang with some other friends and watch a movie and maybe thrift, hoping that goes well because its a bigger group of people...

i havent really made a lot of progress on much of anything though. ive been working so much and making plans whenever i have free time that i either end up to busy to do anything or too tired from plans the day before to do much. havent messed with my website much, ive read a little but maybe only like 20 pages or so, and i havent crochet anything in a long while. i also havent done any homework in awhile and i have a ton of chores. im hoping today ill hop on it, get chores and homework done so i can have less of a load on my free days to do what i want. im a little discouraged right now, tired with no motivation, but hopefully i can lock tf in and get shit done haha.

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Mac Demarco - 20190802

i went back to work yesterday! i got some good tips and it wasnt as busy as i thought it would be. nobody really asked about me not being there, a few people did but most didnt really seem to notice or care. im not upset about it, but its interesting to see how much i really dont matter in the work place. like there wouldnt be much of a difference wether im there or not. which is honestly just more motivation to find a new job, even if i dont matter there either id like to find somewhere more interesting to work. i used to like the socialization that came with my job, i got to talk to a lot of new people and make some cool friends. but recently ive just been spacing out while at work, barely able to socialize, my brain just kinda shuts off. i also figure i can get that socialization at almost any other job, with more stimulation too; sacking just becomes numbing at some point.

ive started learning html and css again. im starting from scratch, and ive been making pretty good progress so far. i just have a page on my website that im using as practice while i go through lessons, im really happy i decided to just start doing it because its so easy to pick up again. i need to do the same with other stuff too, my list right now is reading, writing, crocheting, cooking, drawing, and scrapbooking esc. activities. i have this journal that looks super old and cool, it uses recycled paper and you can see the binding on the back of the cover, which is leather. it reminds me of a pirates log, i really love the design but havent really written much in it. right now i just keep stickers and pictures in between the pages but id like to glue them on and actually use them as decoration. i think once i pick up drawing again and get consistent enough with writing here ill take on that challenge.

things have been looking up these past few days, i found a new band i like, im back to work, my grades have been pretty good, im starting to work with html again, and ive generally been feeling alright. im hoping the motivation im getting from coding will kickstart some motivation for the other things i wanna get to, but im gonna try and be careful not to burnout. looking forward to this upcoming week, i wanna see what i can get done ^^.

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Tonight (feat. Yoshinori Aoki) - Kitty Craft

Its been awhile since my last update, a bit has happened haha. Im still trying to recover from whatever the hell happened to me a month ago now. I just now realized its been a month, its felt like a week. I think that whatever i went through may have messed with my brain, ive always had a horrible sense of time but its been much much worse. The same with my memory, it hasnt ever been the best but it seems to have gotten a lot worse. Despite that im doing a bit better mentally now.

Ive had some other issues come up since then though, like some things going on with my parents, and a weird situation with my friend. The parent stuff is still ongoing, but i honestly cant really be bothered by that, im just hoping that stuff goes okay. And i think the friend thing is going ok now? To summarize me and this person were very very close but then they kinda dropped me out of nowhere. I was pretty upset about it, eventually we ended up kinda talking about it, and have been kinda getting closer since. Hoping things will go okay with that from now on, we'll see.

I also went to the ER two days ago. I almost fainted at work after i got hurt on accident, and this has happened to me before so my parents decided it would be best to get it checked out. So theres this nerve by your heart thats purpose is to slow down your heart whenever you get injured and it starts beating fast, so you dont panic or have a heart attack or whatever. But for me it just works in over drive and my heart slows down more than its supposed too and my blood kinda stops flowing. Which makes sense because apparently i get superrr pale whenever this happens. So yeah, whenever i get hurt and it surprises me i have a chance of passing out. It was pretty embarrassing at work because i was on a register cashiering as it happened and all the managers were around me making a big deal, and it was crazy busy because it was saturday. but it is nice to know that my coworkers care about me.

Thats all i have the energy to write for now, im gonna try to get some school work done and maybe take a nap lol, peace.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Eat More - Ovlov