complexities

I can't tell exactly what's been stressing me out these last few days. I keep brainstorming, thinking of plausible reasons to explain why i feel this way, but i cant tell which idea is truly the correct one. Maybe I need space, need to learn how to be comfortable with myself, to not depend on one so much. Maybe this relationship is draining me because things arent being said, my expectations i didnt know i had arent being met, maybe im just overwhelmed after the past couple of days and if i just wait things out it will get better, and ill feel happy like i did before. Maybe i need to talk about it and sort it out, its obvious that something is off with me- things are really really off with me right now. Even with all those reasons to cause the stress i cant understand why im as stressed as i am, why it hurts so much? maybe it makes me think of him, of how awful i felt then. I miss having intellectual, deep conversations i think. especially now, i feel so much now and it feels like ive gotten better at seeing past situations in a full light and being able to get the most out of them. and yet it feels like i dont have someone i can converse about this stuff with, that will care in the way i want them to. thats probably my issue right, wanting and expecting something that is unrealistic, seeking something i simply dont have and have no way to properly attain. i need to be satisfied with myself, im unsure of how to do that, but i know its what i need to do. last night i wrote down a bit from a post that really stuck with me, "familiar not relevant". I think im familiar to quite a few people in my life, especially him now. maybe its just depression clouding my view but it feels like im a replacement not a person, something meant to entertain. there are specific things that make me feel that way, and maybe some of those things are valid, but i think im just being hurt by my own perceptions rather than something concrete and real. In the end i know there is a better way to go about how i feel and im wrong for doing so, but im going to just wait a little, see if things can just get a little better in their own time, and maybe find some more time for myself (and use that time to do something beneficial).